I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
