Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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