Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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