i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
