There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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