we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
