That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
