I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize