The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
