i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
