Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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