The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
