Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
