where does the pee come out of this thing
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
