you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
