Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
