cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
