it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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