Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
