Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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