Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
