Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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