His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
