dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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