I just made out with a guy for $7.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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