need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
