oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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