No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
