I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
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