I'm so fucking centered right now
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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