i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
