I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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