Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
