My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
