i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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