This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
