In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
