My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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