69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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