Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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