theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
