I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
