you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
