gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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