You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
