i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
