are you so shy because you have an std?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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