he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
