At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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