the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
