I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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