dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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