so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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