I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
