Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
