Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Randomize
