He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i believe in u and ur pee
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
