You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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