my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
