walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize