She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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