I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
