weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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