Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
