I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
