you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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