she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
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