At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
