what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
