i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
