So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
