we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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