Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
