There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
